You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
