Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it hurts more in the daytime
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
