Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
