I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
As shirtless as possible
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
