Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize