Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
