i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
