Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
