if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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