Nicole vs. Life
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
