I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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