Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
