Only a mothe r could love this liver
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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