Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
