we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
