I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
