The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
