She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
