your parents love me but you hate me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
