I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
