If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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