I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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