We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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