I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
