Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
