hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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