I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
