We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
