Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize