Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
