good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
