you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
