She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize