Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
