lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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