Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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