He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
