Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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