i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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