My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
