i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
