i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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