You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
