that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
