I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
