sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
