He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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