i just wanna soil my oats bro
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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