8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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