it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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