At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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