How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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