I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
