apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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