My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
