I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
