i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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