im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
