there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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