Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
