Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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