I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
