Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
