As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
