I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
