i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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